Arch Enemy burn!

There’s a scene in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective when Ace headbangs his way through a nasty, aggressive metal show towards a guy named Woodstock to ask him about marine life transportation. The band is Cannibal Corpse. This was 1994 and hair was long and dirty. Death metal seemed avant garde. It was so shockingly violent and masculine. Sixteen years later we have commercial metal and the thrill is gone. Though we still have bands like Mastadon, Isis and Lamb of God to challenge the genre, Swedes Arch Enemy and their ilk are still making screamo sludge-metal that’s unintelligible, and riddled with tired dichotomies like good/evil, rebellion/obedience and democracy/tyranny. Boring. Oh, and the cool thing now is to get yourself a lady lead singer who can scream like a man. If we’re going to get some bruises and suffer in the mosh pit, it’s not going to be for a show like this.

Thurs., Jan. 21, 8pm. $20. With Exodus, Arsis + Mutiny Within. Theatre of Living Arts, 334 South Street. livenation.com

LIVE LINK!

Hey friends, Philadelphians might hate my guts!

In case you hadn't seen it, I posted a Week's Worst a while back hating on The Starting Line. Here's the text:

"It’s hard to root against local boys who’ve “made it” ... unless it’s a band like the Starting Line. Does Tallahassee rejoice when Creed rolls into town? Does Atlanta freak out when Collective Soul fills up the Tabernacle or Philips Arena? Possibly. Philly has certainly shown enough love to these central PA boys by buying every single ticket of their two “reunion” holiday shows. After three brutal records of power-emo-punk-pop, the band decided to give the world a breather from their insufferable brand of whine. Sure, they’ve toured with bigger versions of their painful sound like New Found Glory and Taking Back Sunday. But a Warped Tour does not a band make. It’s hard to believe there’s still a market for this horseshit. If Dashboard Confessional is the patriarch of emo, the Starting Line are their obnoxious, angsty teenagers."

Harsh, I guess. I don't think they're very talented. Their records and video clips are a total snoozefest. Anyway, I am at liberty to write about a band however I wish. It's my job. Ken Vasoli, lead singer and bassist, got really upset. He wrote a letter that he sent to PW and to me. We printed it in the paper in the Letters section. It looked like this:

"Dear Philadelphia Weekly & Bill Chenevert,

I am Ken Vasoli, singer and bassist for The Starting Line. You know..the "horseshit" band with an "insufferable brand of whine." Thanks a million for printing that article filled with those classic low-blows. Good move too, you guys are giving Pitchfork a run for their money by cleverly cutting down bands like us, its clearly the hip elitist thing to do. Congratulations in advance for the increase in readership, as I'm sure will be the result of bashing a popular philadelphia band.

What exactly was the point if the article? Was it to prevent people from attending a show that's already sold out, or perhaps to convince thousands of Philadelphians that they have inferior taste in music? Regardless, I'm happy to report that the two shows were both a fantastic success. I could barely hear myself over crowds' singing. These shows gave us in the band an indescribable feeling of joy, one that I'm sure Mr. Chenevert will never experience in his pathetic excuse for a career. I imagine the closest he will come to such euphoria will be masturbating to a Deerhunter record while reading the single comment left for his review bashing Coheed and Cambria. I win.

Happy New Year."

Do you win, Ken? He also drummed up some passion from a very dedicated fan base by bringing it to the attention of AbsolutePunk.net (which is so un-punk). The "article" was the most searched and commented piece that week online. There are currently 93 comments on it. They're almost all violently threatening. Here are a few choice ones:

11. Anonymous said... on Jan 2, 2010 at 12:22AM
“Wait this retard is actually allowed to write reviews for anything. I'm sorry ive never ready anything so terrible and bias in my life. Even bands i dont care for don't deserve to be reviewed by this idiot. I hope you read Kenny's response Bill i nearly shit myself reading it hahah. You should be fired immediately.”

12. Anonymous said... on Jan 2, 2010 at 12:36AM
“Crabs that live in Philidelphian Hookers Vaginas > Bill Chenevert

Boom Roasted”

26. Anonymous said... on Jan 2, 2010 at 12:54AM
“This guy needs to be fired. Unless PW is a satirical website.
If he would have made these claims and attempted to provide some sort of support, maybe we can have a discussion. However, he just takes un-merited stabs at The Starting Line and shares no reason why.

Absolutely out of control.
PW, fire this guy.
Readers, if they don't, do not return to this website."

34. Anonymous said... on Jan 2, 2010 at 01:01AM
“Can we get that guy fired, please?! What the fuck was that!?
If he could have justified his claims with some support, maybe it'd be fair to make such claims. But he fails to do that, and just takes un-merited shots at The Starting Line.

We should really push some pressure on PW to get rid of that guy.”

58. C. said... on Jan 2, 2010 at 01:29PM
“Hey Chenevert,

Sell your computer. You call yourself a journalist? This "article" is a pathetic waste of time, and while I'm embarrassed to have even been tricked into reading it, the knowledge that you wrote must make you the laughing stock of the entire Philadelphia Weekly. People like you not only give journalists a bad name; people like you give the human race a bad name.

Do you cry yourself to sleep at night?

Love,
C.”

74. Anonymous said... on Jan 3, 2010 at 01:36AM
“Bill, you listen to the worst music on the planet. You are a joke. Way to publish a pathetically biased article bashing a well-respected and genre-defining Philadelphia band. Now everybody hates you. Nice going, Bill.

Hey, PhiladelphiaWeekly - fire this pussy.”


OK, OK, you get the idea. The really nasty ones have already been deleted. A few of the first comments included a MySpace link to my profile and commands to go look at my terrible music preferences. When I saw that I laughed. I haven't logged in to MySpace in months. So I went and changed my music choices to just The Starting Line. This clearly confused a few readers and that's just what I was hoping for.

Also, want to see what I wrote back to Ken? It's right on the money if you ask me.

"Hey Kenneth,

It may not be productive to even write a reply. I'm not sure why you'd get so upset about something like this. You're an artist. Not everyone's going to love your work. If you read Philadelphia Weekly then you'd probably notice that Week's Worst is a column we have every week. Many writers pitch show blurbs and Week's Worsts and a handful are assigned. A band coming to town is featured in a not-so-kind light every week. Not every publication is going to be 100% positivity.

Want to get me on a list the next time you're in town? I listened to your records, MySpace page, watched live clips and YouTube videos while educating myself on your band and your sound. More than can be said for most writers, I'd bet. Congratulations on the success of both shows.

Not sure why you had to say that I'm going to have a pathetic career. I love music writing. Been doing it for years and plan on keeping it up. I hope you keep making records and that one day I'll listen to one and say 'Damn. This is great. I was wrong.'

YOURS,
Bill Chenevert"

I WIN.


Also, holy shit, just noticed that Michael Alan Goldberg's Make Major Moves post got 129 comments. Hilarious.

30 Second Reviews from 1/12

Eminem
Relapse
(Aftermath)
SOUNDS LIKE: Em emerges from a five-year seclusion to rap (angrily) about the usuals: addiction, his family, starlets, and queers
FREE ASSOCIATION: Good thing Dre still likes him, not sure many others do
FOR FANS OF: Slim Shady, Ghostface, DMX, pills/drugs

Lady Gaga
Fame Monster
(Interscope/Kon Live)
SOUNDS LIKE: The camp queen creates shiny, synthy, super-produced Eurotrash dancefloor hits that highlight her insanity
FREE ASSOCIATION: An avowed GaGa hater gives her an honest listen; pass the Hatorade, please
FOR FANS OF: Cher, Queen, Bowie, La Roux, dick

Anvil
This Is Thirteen
(VH1 Classic Records)
SOUNDS LIKE: The mighty metalsmiths of Canada have been revived by a 2009 documentary and a label willing to put out these 13 songs
FREE ASSOCIATION: An hour of grindy, crunchy, growling old guys; not awful
FOR FANS OF: Anthrax, Metallica, Megadeath, Slayer

Every Avenue
Picture Perfect
(Fearless Records)
SOUNDS LIKE: Michigan boys' second LP of alt-pop emo rock is not as bas it could be; it's clean, nothing over 4 minutes, nothing too harsh
FREE ASSOCIATION: Get past the stigma of the genre and their look and it's not so bad
FOR FANS OF: Blink 182, Weezer, girlfriend breakup songs

The Disco Biscuits
Planet Anthem
(Diamond Riggs)
SOUNDS LIKE: Trance fusion hometown boys make records that reflect their live show; funky, jammy, dancy and trippy
FREE ASSOCIATION: A lot less high-energy this time, more polished, poppy, ambient and retro
FOR FANS OF: moe., Umphrey's McGee, Sound Tribe, patch pants

Rose Melberg
Homemade Ship
(K Records)
SOUNDS LIKE: In bands since 1992, she's an indie pop Renaissance woman; her second solo is twee as hell and precious
FREE ASSOCIATION: Vocals sweeter than Jenny Lewis' blended with simple syrup
FOR FANS OF: Go Sailor, Amy Milan/Stars, hushed acoustic rock

Animal Hospital
Memory
(Barge)
SOUNDS LIKE: Minimal but dense post rock opus three years in the making with a few 15-minute journeys through time and brains
FREE ASSOCIATION: Sometimes scratchy and reverby, then rhythmic and pretty
FOR FANS OF: Tortoise, Brian Eno, chill Fuck Buttons

Lissie
Why You Runnin'
(Fat Possum)
SOUNDS LIKE: Brooding, beautifully dark folk EP from an Illinois girl with an old soul who ran off to CA to find heartache
FREE ASSOCIATION: Spare production puts her blazing voice at the eerie front and center
FOR FANS OF: Canyon ladies Patti, Joni and Neko, Shelby Lynne

THE REAL CHARTICLE.

30 Second Reviews from 1/5 (WITH MY NAME FINALLY ON EM'!)

Mudvayne
Mudvayne
SOUNDS LIKE: Brutally sludgy guitars, unintelligible screaming and angsty nu-metal from creepo makeup-wearing tools
FREE ASSOCIATION: You gotta be really into screamo prog-metal to dig this garbage
FOR FANS OF: GWAR, Korn, Slipknot, Tool, Halloween

Matt The Electrician
Animal Boy
SOUNDS LIKE: Old-timey folk singer from Austin, a hard-workin' everyman whose warm raspy voice tells silly, pretty tales
FREE ASSOCIATION: Is it bad to say that the highlight might be his version of "Faithfully"?
FOR FANS OF: Bon Iver, Will Oldham, old boots

Susan Boyle
I Dreamed A Dream
SOUNDS LIKE: The old Scottish lassie from Britain's Got Talent somehow became a big deal with a Les Miserables song
FREE ASSOCIATION: A "Wild Horses"? Ghastly; this is for cotton-tops and Republicans
FOR FANS OF: Michael Buble, Celine Dion, Simon Cowell

Arrington de Dionyso
Malaikat dan Singa
SOUNDS LIKE: Old Time Relijun multi-instrumentalist's batshit-nuts blend of guttural throat exercises, reverb and horns
FREE ASSOCIATION: Usually K Records is trustworthy, this cooked-out LP is a challenge
FOR FANS OF: Yoko Ono as a male gypsy punk

OK GO
Of The Blue Colour Of The Sky
SOUNDS LIKE: Chicago boys' brand of scratchy, pop sensible, feedback-friendly alt rock is better than ever on their third LP
FREE ASSOCIATION: Sounds like they're a lil' more glam, funky, dramatic and into Bowie
FOR FANS OF: Pixies meets Spoon x Strokes + Cars

Jello Biafra
The Audacity of Hype
SOUNDS LIKE: Dead Kennedys former frontman is still making loud, kinetic and political records but his scream is aging
FREE ASSOCIATION: That record cover is a dig at Obama, right? Politics are confusing
FOR FANS OF: Sex Pistols, Henry Rollins, punk politics

Katharine McPhee
Unbroken
SOUNDS LIKE: California girl with radio pipes singing her face pop face off but sounding like she's from Kentucky
FREE ASSOCIATION: How did America let Taylor Hicks win American Idol? Mind-boggling
FOR FANS OF: Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Jordin Sparks

Snoop Dogg
Malice N Wonderland
SOUNDS LIKE: The CA hip hop kingpin's tenth is solid proof of the Doggfather's prowess and smarts about guest picks
FREE ASSOCIATION: Seems every hip hop record has a Jazmine Sullivan joint, hallelujah
FOR FANS OF: R. Kelly, Pharrell, Dre, Warren G


REAL CHARTICLE (WITH MY NAME ON IT!)

30 Second Reviews from 12/29

Wale
Attention Deficit
SOUNDS LIKE: Silky smooth debut of D.C. emcee with hot guests: GaGa, Jazmine Sullivan, Pharrell, Gucci Mane and Bun B
FREE ASSOCIATION: Hot production, beats, choruses, energy and lyricsm; all good things
FOR FANS OF: Non-douche Kanye, Mark Ronson, Lupe

Robin Thicke
Sex Therapy Sessions
SOUNDS LIKE: The falsetto prince drops a sex-funky R&B opus with friends like Jay-Z, Snoop, Kid Cudi, Estelle and Game
FREE ASSOCIATION: Drifting into adult territory like John Mayer? So make a sexy record
FOR FANS OF: Maxwell, Justin Timberlake, smarminess

Alicia Keys
The Element of Freedom
SOUNDS LIKE: The R&B princess scales back production/guests a bit for a simpler but still super-produced anthem album
FREE ASSOCIATION: Her only guests are Jay-Z and Beyonce; oh you big time now
FOR FANS OF: Prince, Erykah Badu, John Legend, Amerie

Q-Tip
Kamaal the Abstract
SOUNDS LIKE: A strange one from the Tribe hero; a slow, soulful pop-friendly album with rock guitar hooks and tinkly organs
FREE ASSOCIATION: Definitely no "Breath and Stop"s or "Vivrant Thing"s but it's solid
FOR FANS OF: Common, Pharcyde, Tribe Called Quest

Mary J Blige
Stronger with Each Tear
SOUNDS LIKE: MJB purists will be outraged with single "The One" and some auto-tunage, but it's a hot jam and a solid album
FREE ASSOCIATION: Drake and T.I. were about five when What's the 411? came out
FOR FANS OF: Jill Scott, Brandy, Whitney, Alicia Keys

Blakroc
Blakroc
SOUNDS LIKE: Damon Dash got a Black Keys boner and made them record a hip hop record with serious emcee hotshots
FREE ASSOCIATION: Ludacris and ODB? Raekwon, AND RZA? We are in a recession
FOR FANS OF: That Black Lips/GZA record, The Grey Album, Mos Def

Bat for Lashes
Two Suns Special Edition
SOUNDS LIKE: Lovely re-release of the April sophomore effort from Pakistan-born Brit is Pitchfork's #7 album of the year
FREE ASSOCIATION: You get "Two + Two" making-of doc and live tracks; "Daniel" is amazing
FOR FANS OF: Bjork, Kate Bush, Cat Power, Fur & Gold

Frank Zappa
Philly '76
SOUNDS LIKE: Zappa and his freaky crew (including Lady Bianca) at the Spectrum turn out their poppy prog-rock perfectly
FREE ASSOCIATION: Frank kills his fascinating blend of singing/speaking (about poodles)
FOR FANS OF: Historic performances, Jimi Hendrix, Captain Beefheart

CHARTICLE!

Alright, here's my Top 50 Albums of the Decade.

1. Animal Collective - Sung Tongs
2. Broken Social Scene - You Forgot it in People
3. Panda Bear - Person Pitch
4. PJ Harvey - Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea
5. Sleater-Kinney - The Woods
6. LCD Soundsystem - LCD Soundsytem
7. Radiohead - In Rainbows
8. Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood
9. The National - Alligator
10. TV on the Radio - Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes
11. The Walkmen - You & Me
12. Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights
13. Band of Horses - Everything All The Time
14. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
15. Spoon - Gimme Fiction
16. Hot Chip - The Warning
17. Radiohead - Kid A
18. M.I.A. - Kala
19. St. Vincent - Actor
20. Outkast - Stankonia
21. Stars - Set Yourself on Fire
22. Fleet Foxes - Sun Giant EP/Fleet Foxes
23. Hercules and Love Affair - Hercules and Love Affair
24. The Thermals - The Body, The Blood, The Machine
25. Postal Service - Give Up
26. Mates of State - Bring it Back
27. Modest Mouse - The Moon & Antarctica
28. Badly Drawn Boy - The Hour of Bewilderbeast
29. The Strokes - Is This It?
30. New Pornographers - Mass Romantic
31. Viktor Vaughn - Vaudeville Villain
32. The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow
33. Sufjan Stevens - Greetings from Michigan: The Great Lake State
34. The Rapture - Echoes
35. Junior Boys - So This is Goodbye
36. Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
37. Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
38. Kings of Leon - Aha Shake Heartbreak
39. Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
40. Royksopp - Melody A.M.
41. Menomena - Friend & Foe
42. Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds
43. The xx - xx
44. Feist - The Reminder
45. Dirty Projectors - Bitte Orca
46. Belle & Sebastian - The Life Pursuit
47. Jay-Z - Unplugged
48. Antony & the Johnsons - I Am a Bird Now
49. Le Loup - Family
50. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Mos Def review published on MxDwn!

Black gold mined from all over the world

There’s a lot to say about Mos Def’s The Ecstatic. It’s his best in years, if not ever. Everyone was disappointed (with due cause) in his last few releases, all of which made fans go ‘What the.. ?’ He was busy working on movies and other non-rap things, but where was his next Black Star or Black on Both Sides? Clearly he was fulfilling some contractual obligations but did we have to wait until Geffen let him go? Seems like it, and it was totally worth the wait.

Ecstatic is a statement: “I’m back, I never left, y’all ain’t shit and now I’m gonna show you how it’s done.” In so many words that I just put in his mouth. First off, this album is not a singles record. There are a few standouts that translate beautifully to keep a party poppin’ or dancefloor moving, namely “Twilite Speedball” and “Quiet Dog Bite Hard.” But everything flows so seamlessly; the interludes and found sounds are ingenious. From the Bollywood-influenced opener “Supermagic,” which features a ‘64 Malcolm X quote, to the cockpit-gun-toting-Captain intro to “The Embassy,” it’s with these that Ecstatic garners its well-deserved political descriptors. Mos has always had a curious fascination with injustice and Afrocentricism but it doesn’t always come off as nuanced and classy as it does here.

In fact, with the strongest track on the record, “Auditorium,” which tumbles into its hypnotic head-bobbing beat with a far east intro before Slick Rick delivers a syrupy smooth Iraq-oriented story, Mos delivers his most worldly message. Rick raps to a “young Iraqi kid”: “What’s wrong, G, hungry? / No, give me my oil and get the f#$* out my country!” Other collaborations shine on this record, too. “History,” with Talib Kweli is a standout and harkens back to his earlier days of late ’90s brainy hip hop. “Roses” features a lesser known Georgia Anne Muldrow from Stones Throw Records who kills a bluesy, heartfelt R&B vocal over tickly piano flourishes. Her Angie Stone-inspired soul brings Mos to a softer place where his voice begins to sound better than John Legend’s.

We may not see Mos like this again. His latest and possibly greatest is a momentous hip hop occasion. There are still hip hop artists making smart, nuanced, beat-smart records. We don’t have to pretend to get excited about new Lil’ Wayne records or scream about Jay-Z’s newest blueprint. Hopefully, Mos Def and his friends will keep turning out gems like this one.

THE REAL THING.

Week's WORST! The Starting Line

It’s hard to root against local boys who’ve “made it” ... unless it’s a band like the Starting Line. Does Tallahassee rejoice when Creed rolls into town? Does Atlanta freak out when Collective Soul fills up the Tabernacle or Philips Arena? Possibly. Philly has certainly shown enough love to these central PA boys by buying every single ticket of their two “reunion” holiday shows. After three brutal records of power-emo-punk-pop, the band decided to give the world a breather from their insufferable brand of whine. Sure, they’ve toured with bigger versions of their painful sound like New Found Glory and Taking Back Sunday. But a Warped Tour does not a band make. It’s hard to believe there’s still a market for this horseshit. If Dashboard Confessional is the patriarch of emo, the Starting Line are their obnoxious, angsty teenagers.

Tues., Dec. 29, 8:30pm. Sold out. With Valencia + Dangerous Summer. Theatre of the Living Arts, 334 South St. 215.922.1011. livenation.com

Wed., Dec 30, 8:30pm. Sold out. With Envy on the Coast + Algernon Cadwallader. Trocadero, 1003 Arch St. 215.922.6888. thetroc.com

LIVE LINK.

30 Second Reviews from 12/22

Animal Collective
Be Fall Kind EP
SOUNDS LIKE: Indie kings do it again with a mere five songs in under 30 minutes adding another staple to their catalogue
FREE ASSOCIATION: Intoxicating blend of beats, rounds, collage, choral chanting and noise
FOR FANS OF: Grizzly Bear, Gang Gang Dance, Panda Bear

Lambchop
Live at XX Merge
SOUNDS LIKE: Lovely romp through the Nashville band's collection of soulful, folksy Americana led by a charming Kurt Wagner
FREE ASSOCIATION: That voice, those lyrics, all those instruments, such energy; a keeper
FOR FANS OF: My Morning Jacket, Silver Jews, whiskey

James Pants
Seven Seals
SOUNDS LIKE: Awesome electronic music heavily shaded with drone, nostalgia, hip hop and cleverly whispered smart lyrics
FREE ASSOCIATION: Another Stones Throw gem; 15 tracks of blissed out clever trip hop
FOR FANS OF: Neon Indian, DJ Shadow, grime

Mason Porter
Thunder in the Valley
SOUNDS LIKE: Full-length debut from West Chester boys pickin', clappin', stompin' and singin' some solid bluegrassy folk
FREE ASSOCIATION: Hard to believe they're from the Philly burbs, not the Smoky Mountains
FOR FANS OF: Hoots & Hellmouth, Wissahickon Chicken Shack

Bill Cosby Presents the Cosnarati
State of Emergency
SOUNDS LIKE: Believe it - the Cos co-writes and produces an ultra-legit hip hop record addressing his political/cultural woes
FREE ASSOCIATION: Ced Gee, Jace the Great and Bro Hahz rep hard for Mr. Puddin' Pop
FOR FANS OF: Lyrics Born, political rap, garish sweaters

Thirty Seconds to Mars
This Is War
SOUNDS LIKE: Jared Leto's band is a ridiculous blend of prog metal, emo, pop, aggro rock and screamo (plus eyeliner)
FREE ASSOCIATION: It does feel like more of an effort to not be shitty, but it's tough to take
FOR FANS OF: Chevelle, Deftones, Jordan Catalano

Timbaland
Shock Value II
SOUNDS LIKE: Timbo employs an ultra pop army to shine in front of his tired hiccupy beats that all sound like "4 Minutes"/FutureSex
FREE ASSOCIATION: JoJo & Timberlake, yes, Miley Cyrus & Chad Kroeger? You dick!
FOR FANS OF: Neptunes, Swizz Beats, Jermaine Dupri

Chris Brown
Graffiti
SOUNDS LIKE: The once R&B prince currently in the dog house puts down some bagnin' joints and some yawny slow jamz
FREE ASSOCIATION: PR-wise? Rihanna wins. Record vs. record? Chris might take this one
FOR FANS OF: "I Can Transform Ya," Lil Wayne, the club

REALLY REALNESS.

30 Second Reviews from 12/15

Dam-Funk
Toeachizown
SOUNDS LIKE: Synthy '70s-style funk mixed with '00s soul/hip hop from an LA producer in with Stones Throw peeps
FREE ASSOCIATION: George Clinton and Grace Jones bore a child who wears aviators
FOR FANS OF: Prince x Knife + P-Funk/Kraftwerk

The Mayfair Set
Young One
SOUNDS LIKE: Noise pop's Dum Dum Girls teams up with Blank Dogs for low-fi psychedelics spiked with goth
FREE ASSOCIATION: Bat For Lashes girl sings for Joy Division and back in the '80s, not now
FOR FANS OF: Vivian Girls, Black Tambourine, feedback

Beak
Beak>
SOUNDS LIKE: Droney electric eerie bliss from Portishead's Geoff Barrow heavy on the spooky and rhythms
FREE ASSOCIATION: Starts slow and steady but eventually blows you away in due time
FOR FANS OF: Clinic, Massive Attack, Radiohead

Paul McCartney
Good Evening New York City
SOUNDS LIKE: Shea Stadium was torn down, they built Citi(group) Field and brought this old man out to make it meaningful
FREE ASSOCIATION: 35 songs on two discs and you let Billy Joel onstage, you bastard
FOR FANS OF: Wings, Greatest Hits albums, corporate fields

Richard Hawley
Truelove's Gutter
SOUNDS LIKE: Soft, sad and beautiful collection from the UK's ex-Pulp guitarist and baritone is single-less but flawless
FREE ASSOCIATION: If it weren't dark and cold this would be a downer, but it is, and it's amazing
FOR FANS OF: Elvis, Cash, Orbison, Hazlewood

Laura Veirs
July Flame
SOUNDS LIKE: Talented singer/songwriter/strummer's first in 2010 is a beauty with stellar guests to flesh out her sound
FREE ASSOCIATION: Her voice and a guitar is enough, but keys and strings make it gorgeous
FOR FANS OF: Cat Power, New Buffalo, Joanna Newsom,

Glee: The Music, Season One
Volume 2
SOUNDS LIKE: Covers by the Fox cast with some bearable (Lilly Allen, Lauper) and others just awful (Van Halen, Stones)
FREE ASSOCIATION: Needed: pubescent faces (and bodies) to make this listenable
FOR FANS OF: A capella, Zac Efron, musicals

Mikkel Meyer
Bacon
SOUNDS LIKE: Club-friendly blipped out dub from a Danish DJ who loves British, Jamaican, and American hip hop
FREE ASSOCIATION: Imagine robots making their booty clap all sweaty and shiny
FOR FANS OF: Two Fingers, Thunderheist, Dizzee Rascal

A REAL DEAL CHARTICLE.

30 Second Reviews from 12/8

The Embassadors
Coptic Dub
SOUNDS LIKE: Uncanny gorgeous jazz spiked with hip hop and dub; horns and ambiance barfed up by a DJ
FREE ASSOCIATION: If Coltrane and Tricky had a mutant love baby, it would be funky
FOR FANS OF: Dub jazz, Massive Attack on e

Bad Lieutenant
Never Cry Another Tear
SOUNDS LIKE: New Order oldie teams up with youngns but their youth is drowned out; dated synthy, post-punk rock
FREE ASSOCIATION: You'd think a Joy Division-spawn record would be decent enough
FOR FANS OF: Reunions, nostalgia, emo U2

Home Blitz
Out of Phase
SOUNDS LIKE: Quirky herky-jerky off-kilter punk with weird pauses, messy guitars and loads of energy/balls
FREE ASSOCIATION: Did I hear a Fishtown? This show will be bloody and sweaty
FOR FANS OF: Pissed Jeans, breaking things

The Slew
100%
SOUNDS LIKE: Kid Koala and Dynamite D scratch up a Seattle-inspired grunge rock band into slick turntable hip hop
FREE ASSOCIATION: Plaid-laden booze and spooge was spilled and then scratched up
FOR FANS OF: DJ Shadow, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Rihanna
Rated R
SOUNDS LIKE: The moan-songstress is as her sassiest with a lot of cussing and proclaiming how hot she is
FREE ASSOCIATION: Keep spinnin' that domestic abuse scandal into gold, girl, get it
FOR FANS OF: Beyonce, Mary J., Chris Brown hate

Jay Sean
All or Nothing
SOUNDS LIKE: Urban pretty boy wears chains, takes his shirt off and croons very seriously about making girls cum
FREE ASSOCIATION: We see you're trying to take Craig David's spot and it might work
FOR FANS OF: Ginuwine, R Kelly, thin sculpted sideburns

Adam Lambert
For Your Entertainment
SOUNDS LIKE: Super-produced monstrosity of pop with ballads, dancefloor grinders, schmaltz and in-your-face queer glam
FREE ASSOCIATION: Racing towards Liberace status, are we? Not sure that's smart
FOR FANS OF: Britney, Christina, Lady Gaga

Jack Splash
Heir to the Throne, Volume 1
SOUNDS LIKE: Plantlife emcee's got a dirty mouth/mind, bloodshot eyes, tons of swagger and some sick guests
FREE ASSOCIATION: This is Cadillac hip hop with all the trimmings and accessories
FOR FANS OF: Clipse, Outkast, 40s and blunts

CHARTICLE!

30 Second Reviews from 12/1

Kid Sister
Ultraviolet
SOUNDS LIKE: Debut with Kanye collab, "Pro Nails," might be the record's worst, but Cee-Lo and Estelle show up!
FREE ASSOCIATION: Not sure if she weren't A-Trak's girlfriend she'd even have a record
FOR FANS OF: Santigold, Destiny's Child, raplettes

Daptone Gold
Daptone Gold
SOUNDS LIKE: Tight-knit BKLYN label curates rarities, B-sides and greatest hits of members' stellar soul and funk
FREE ASSOCIATION: Some serious James Brown-inspired modern soul; get down!
FOR FANS OF: Antibalas, Sharon Jones, horns

Bibio
The Apple and the Tooth
SOUNDS LIKE: Brit beat freak blends folk and glitchy electro; a few new tunes and a bunch of Ambivalence Avenue remixes
FREE ASSOCIATION: Like a Boards of Canada record immersed in a hot tub until it's wrinkly
FOR FANS OF: The Books, Four Tet, M83, Aphex Twin

Echo & The Bunnymen
The Fountain
SOUNDS LIKE: Celebrating their 30th year, the UK foursome put out lukewarm post-punk, new wavey college rock
FREE ASSOCIATION: Once upon a time you were a big deal, but this is like bad Coldplay/U2
FOR FANS OF: New Order vs. butched up Cure

John Mayer
Battle Studies
SOUNDS LIKE: The big-lipped adult contemporary guru pushes the envelope with literate and mild sad sap guitar rock
FREE ASSOCIATION: Love really is a battlefield, John, but Twitter is going to end you
FOR FANS OF: Dave Matthews, Train, James Blunt

CFCF
Continent
SOUNDS LIKE: Montreal's Mike Silver is a producer extraordinaire making rich, chill and infectious electrodub
FREE ASSOCIATION: Disco and modern beats make lounge love during his "Big Love" cover
FOR FANS OF: Crystal Castles, Sally Shapiro

Priscilla Renea
Jukebox
SOUNDS LIKE: Polished, shiny pop queen with drum machines and voice effects makes weirdly irresistable radio hits
FREE ASSOCIATION: A monster created from bits of Kelly Clarkson, Lily Allen and Rihanna
FOR FANS OF: Katy Perry, shamelessness

Light FM
Let There Be Light FM
SOUNDS LIKE: Chicago indie rock heavy on synths, keys, '80s guitars and angst making for a very boring record
FREE ASSOCIATION: Your cheeky lyrics are drowned out by that constantly blaring synthesizer
FOR FANS OF: The Cars, Owl City, cheesy Death Cab



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