Dear Diary.
I just want to write. My parents are away today, babysitting nephew Jack in Albany then going to a party in Agawam; possibly staying the night in Longmeadow. Funny how they actually expressed not wanting me to be innapropriate while they were away. I think that meant don't throw a big house-destructive party, at which I laughed and exclaimed "I know two people in Red Hook." One of them is in New Jersey this weekend; "Naomi and I will try not to throw a two-person party that will destroy 3 Beech Street. Promise." I took the liberty to wander in my unders and cook a delicious breakfast of toast with a scramble of my creation including onions, little garlic, and 'Mexican' cheese (the idea of 'Mexican' cheese blends from Kraft always makes me cringe and giggle at the same time). I ate it while watching the end of "Ghost" with a can of Pepsi on ice and reading the weekend section of the Poughkeepsie Journal which featured three late teenagers writing about books, film and birthdays. The film writing was mostly about "Transformers" and an upcoming Ethan Hawke production which has the word "State" in it somewhere. I ran up to my computer to write. Those little shits get the front page of the "Verve" section? Whatever, I'm a better writer.
You could say I'm on a movie kick and that's undoubtedly because of the environment I'm living in. I'm just now reminded of "The Glass Menagere" and how, if I'm not mistaken, one of the main characters is always going out to the movies but that seems to be code for I'm getting the fuck out of here and getting shitty so that I don't think about what I have to return to. I'm not saying that my life is shitty and that I need movies to get out of the house, or my mind, but there is that aspect in movie-viewing and movie kicks, as I mentioned earlier, for everyone I'm sure. For two hours or more you can choose to focus all your mental energy and focus on someone else's life and other more abstract themes.
As many of you may know, my employment at Exploration Summer Programs in New Haven came to a sudden end and now I am back in Red Hook with my family with countless uncertainties. In the middle of it all, while I was waiting in New Haven for the verdict to come in, I saw "Evening" by myself. It destroyed me. I was already emotional going into it but, no lie, I got blubbery about four times. I just really appreciate a movie that dives into those grand questions that I like to wring my hands over: what makes a fulfilled life? do we have one great love in our lives? what happens if you somehow pass it by or let it go? how will I die and when those days come, will I have children or a husband at my bedside? I like a little melodrama here and there, in a film of course, not in my own life. I wouldn't really spend two hours thinking about those things otherwise but because whoever made "Evening" wanted me to I did so. I left the theater shaky, my eyes still a little watery and wanting nothing more than to be with my own flesh and blood. So that kind of did it for me - I'm going home.
Of course, my idealized 'home' was not what I was hoping for. My dad is always on my side and supportive, rarely if ever combative in any way. Then my mom is the shouter, the instigator, the cynic and the tyrant, manages to test my will on the daily. But I'm doing my damndest to be the appreciative, grateful and obedient youngest son I can be while biting my tongue and taking the rollercoaster for a ride and trying to run with the rough spots. I have no idea what's coming next for me. I'm applying to jobs in New York City and thinking and talking very seriously with Naomi about Brooklyn come September. But right now I feel like when I send emails out with my resume and cover letter that I'm just sending intentions out into space and there's so little I can do, short of badgering employers and therefore earning some demerits, to get those jobs that I want. I'm chugging away though, no use whining about the process.
So then last night and the night before I've seen two films in the theater: "Transformers" and "Harry Potter: The Order of the Phoenix." I only saw "Transformers" because the Harry showing we wanted to see was sold out about ten minutes before the show/previews were supposed to start. Both of these movies were pretty long, about two hours twenty, but both of them were pretty highly satisfactory. My experience at the movies tends to be dictated by my level of expectations going into the process. Typically my expectations are very, very low. Rarely do I ever watch a movie after the hype has been so built up that I just feel disappointed afterwards. As was with "Evening," where I just wanted to not think about myself for two hours, and with "Transformers" I was prepared for an all flash and no substance movie that should hopefully satiate my latent love for the toys as a child. And with Potter, well Daniel Radcliffe rarely disappoints and I've watched "The Goblet of Fire" probably ten times because it's on HBO non-stop, same with Azkaban and its predecessors; Home Box Office loves its Hogwarts. As a result, so do I.
It's funny to hear generic Nays about movies, I heard several for both of the blockbusters I took in yesterday and the day before, but I wonder whose pens or fingers these negative reviews are coming from. "Transformers," perhaps, is said to be unemotional or that humans are an afterthought, but I felt pretty invested in Shia LeBoeuf's character and his would-be Miss Popular lover (I found it uncanny that her ex, the jock, looked just like Brad from "Home Improvement" - who also played a jock dick in "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift"). And even the autobots like "Bumblebee" and "Jazz" take on personality that an audience can't help but empathize with. I was worried that I would feel visually overwhelmed and I was at moments - there were times when there were blurs of machines fighting, I didn't know what I was looking at and consequently almost felt like I was going to seize - but those were few and far between and the moments where the autobots actually transformed were surprisingly gratifying. I did kind of hate that little boombox robot that also became Miss Popular's cell phone but I got over that pretty quickly and it was all the more enjoyable to watch him eat it.
When I was trying to arrange a viewing of Potter with Adam I texted him "When are we going to go see Daniel Radcliffe?" My intentions for seeing Harry Potter are not entirely pure. I haven't read the books, I just like the movies and I have a slightly disturbing hardon for Daniel, perhaps after seeing supposedly doctored images of him in the nude from his production of "Equus." Nevertheless, these movies seem to be getting better and better, more and more disturbing and dark and I was pretty pumped for the newest installment. And hopefully there was finally going to be some making out in this one. And Ron! Whoa! Ron looks like he grew up quite a bit even since Goblet of Fire. It's mostly in his face. But my instincts were confirmed by Naomi as during the movie I made a few comments to her: "A lot of this movie sure seems to be concerned with Harry's dreams," and "Why is he being such a bitch?" The dreams turn out to be important and his feelings of constant anger and alienation are also attended to later in the film. But all in all, two enthusiastic appendiges up - very sastisfactory special effects, Harry growing up and showing some balls all be them adolescent nuts, and a new character, Luna Lovegood, who is fantastic in her shoelessness and space-cadet nature.
I've also got "The Science of Sleep" and "Kinky Boots" rented downstairs. Not to mention the pile of books I'm trying to get through. Oh, maybe I should be working on that pesky Terminal Masters Project. I think I'm going to go out by the pool and try to plow through more of "Never Let Me Go."
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